" Did you clean your face?" Uh huh," said Kelly. "Took off all the makeup and then washed and usedsome of that cream." You don't need that stuff." It smelled nice." Your nails look pretty," said Barbie.Kelly blushed."Do you like having everyone think you're a girl?" I don't know?" What if you'd ended up on television? It could still happen, did youthink of that?" Barbie!" Kelly protested. "This wasn't really my idea. It... justhappened. I told everyone I'm really a boy! Nobody believes me."Barbie snorted. "I'm beginning to have doubts myself; except, Iremember the Dixie cups." Huh?"Barbie mimed changing a baby's diaper, dropping a strategic Dixie cupover the baby boy fountain while dodging an imaginary stream.Kelly laughed. "I got you a few times?" Uh huh. A neighbor lady showed me that trick. Mom wouldn't have known,she never had any boys. Just me." Mom screwed up again," commented Kelly. "She's in the hospital." I know." Neither of them suggested visiting Amanda."Phil seemed nice.. I imagined a throbbing climax as I pressed the silky materiel of themake-believe gown to my groin. It felt like a manly release. Thenunexpectedly a soft wave of pleasure swept over me. The supple silk ofthe gown excited every nerve on the surface of my creamy skin, I couldsee bows and ribbons in the long brown curls of my hair, I could smelllilacs, sense beautiful flowers blooming around me, hear the tinklingof a small waterfall, and grasp the serene stillness of water liliesfloating effortlessly on the pond below. I curled graceful limbs aroundthe tender skin of my imagined body. I never felt so feminine.Then, with a rush, I sensed pain. I felt horror, and shame, andembarrassment. Years of holding in this secret had separated me frommy mother and sister. I drove away my friends, everyone. I had pushedthem all away because I could not share my secret desire with anyone. Iwas too ashamed. I felt the blows of my stepfather and the hurt andanguish. I felt the hot flush on my face.
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